Confused
I got word this past week that my brother went into congestive heart failure again. He was feeling weak and out of breath, and, after firm prodding from his roommate and our parents, checked himself into the hospital. They promptly put him in Cardiac Critical Care unit. Our mom flew up there on Thursday, but I've had no further updates since then. Of course, it's pretty serious. I even checked out the availability of flights up there (a minimum of two stops, three being more common, anywhere from $600-1000!).
I got home, told Wife all this, and for the rest of the night she kept asking me if I was alright. She kept asking if I was upset, that he very well could die.
I don't really have an answer.
Well, I do have one, but I don't think it's the one I SHOULD have.
For most of the past 25 years or so, my brother hasn't been a part of my life. We've seen each other only a half dozen times in that time span. He dying wouldn't greatly affect my life. I'd never get another birthday card from him. Oops, I haven't gotten one from him in over 30 years. ditto Christmas.
I also wonder if it's because of my attitude towards Death. No pun intended, but it's a part of Life. Everybody's gonna see it. Most people already have, they just don't remember it. (Then of course, there's the "petit-mort" but that's another story, and I haven't experienced that in a few years either). I would be more upset over the loss of any of my dear friends that I've mentioned in this archive, than that of my brother. I've seen death. Starting with my grandfather dying while visiting when I was ten. Two mothers of girlfriends, Several co-workers, a few pets, and of course my dear dear Becky (five years ago last week). In most of their cases, the end was a blessing, an end to suffering. They'll be around in my memories, and with any luck, I'll see 'em again the next time around.
(no matter how I've tried I can't get this to appear as two columns. The Norse followed by the English translation. Each line's translation appears after the hyphen.)
76
Deyr fé - Cattle die,
deyja frændr - kinsmen die,
deyr sjálfr it sama - yourself dies likewise;
en orðstírr - but the renown
deyr aldregi - dies never.
hveim er sér góðan getr - for the one who gets good fame
77
Deyr fé - Cattle die,
deyja frændr - kinsmen die,
deyr sjálfr it sama - the self dies likewise;
ek veit einn - I know one thing
at aldri deyr - that never dies:
dómr um dauðan hvern - the repute of each of the dead.
I got home, told Wife all this, and for the rest of the night she kept asking me if I was alright. She kept asking if I was upset, that he very well could die.
I don't really have an answer.
Well, I do have one, but I don't think it's the one I SHOULD have.
For most of the past 25 years or so, my brother hasn't been a part of my life. We've seen each other only a half dozen times in that time span. He dying wouldn't greatly affect my life. I'd never get another birthday card from him. Oops, I haven't gotten one from him in over 30 years. ditto Christmas.
I also wonder if it's because of my attitude towards Death. No pun intended, but it's a part of Life. Everybody's gonna see it. Most people already have, they just don't remember it. (Then of course, there's the "petit-mort" but that's another story, and I haven't experienced that in a few years either). I would be more upset over the loss of any of my dear friends that I've mentioned in this archive, than that of my brother. I've seen death. Starting with my grandfather dying while visiting when I was ten. Two mothers of girlfriends, Several co-workers, a few pets, and of course my dear dear Becky (five years ago last week). In most of their cases, the end was a blessing, an end to suffering. They'll be around in my memories, and with any luck, I'll see 'em again the next time around.
(no matter how I've tried I can't get this to appear as two columns. The Norse followed by the English translation. Each line's translation appears after the hyphen.)
76
Deyr fé - Cattle die,
deyja frændr - kinsmen die,
deyr sjálfr it sama - yourself dies likewise;
en orðstírr - but the renown
deyr aldregi - dies never.
hveim er sér góðan getr - for the one who gets good fame
77
Deyr fé - Cattle die,
deyja frændr - kinsmen die,
deyr sjálfr it sama - the self dies likewise;
ek veit einn - I know one thing
at aldri deyr - that never dies:
dómr um dauðan hvern - the repute of each of the dead.
posted by Intothelight4now at 1:00 PM
1 Comments:
Sorry to hear about your brother. But CHF patients can hang about like that forever, it isn't even always what in the end does them in. Sorry that's sort of blunt, but I have the attitude you do about death.
Partly mine comes from participating in so many and indeed, actively causing most of them. My buddy and I have a joke about the kiss of death and it's only half kidding. But I'm totally not against people like Dr Kevorkian (sp?). I watched (from a distance) many family members linger many long and painful years. I don't know if they wanted to stay or just didn't have the will to leave. I certainly don't want to hang around indefinitely in agony!
What last kindness we do for animals, we should be able to extend to other humans as well. We know, as I know they do, when it's time and sometimes they need help getting there.
Wow, I'm morbid for a sunday morning! I have thought a lot about death along the way. Surviving what's usually a deadly cancer myself does that to you. As does that bang on the head. If I'm gonna need a drool cup the rest of my life, please come shoot me!
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