Confused

I got word this past week that my brother went into congestive heart failure again. He was feeling weak and out of breath, and, after firm prodding from his roommate and our parents, checked himself into the hospital. They promptly put him in Cardiac Critical Care unit. Our mom flew up there on Thursday, but I've had no further updates since then. Of course, it's pretty serious. I even checked out the availability of flights up there (a minimum of two stops, three being more common, anywhere from $600-1000!).

I got home, told Wife all this, and for the rest of the night she kept asking me if I was alright. She kept asking if I was upset, that he very well could die.

I don't really have an answer.

Well, I do have one, but I don't think it's the one I SHOULD have.

For most of the past 25 years or so, my brother hasn't been a part of my life. We've seen each other only a half dozen times in that time span. He dying wouldn't greatly affect my life. I'd never get another birthday card from him. Oops, I haven't gotten one from him in over 30 years. ditto Christmas.

I also wonder if it's because of my attitude towards Death. No pun intended, but it's a part of Life. Everybody's gonna see it. Most people already have, they just don't remember it. (Then of course, there's the "petit-mort" but that's another story, and I haven't experienced that in a few years either). I would be more upset over the loss of any of my dear friends that I've mentioned in this archive, than that of my brother. I've seen death. Starting with my grandfather dying while visiting when I was ten. Two mothers of girlfriends, Several co-workers, a few pets, and of course my dear dear Becky (five years ago last week). In most of their cases, the end was a blessing, an end to suffering. They'll be around in my memories, and with any luck, I'll see 'em again the next time around.

(no matter how I've tried I can't get this to appear as two columns. The Norse followed by the English translation. Each line's translation appears after the hyphen.)
76
Deyr fé - Cattle die,
deyja frændr - kinsmen die,
deyr sjálfr it sama - yourself dies likewise;
en orðstírr - but the renown
deyr aldregi - dies never.
hveim er sér góðan getr - for the one who gets good fame

77
Deyr fé - Cattle die,
deyja frændr - kinsmen die,
deyr sjálfr it sama - the self dies likewise;
ek veit einn - I know one thing
at aldri deyr - that never dies:
dómr um dauðan hvern - the repute of each of the dead.

Down time

Ok, I know it's been a while.
Semester is over. My first school year survived. I'm now in the slow summer time. There are a number of projects I want to do over the summer, Build a new Tech Table, Build a new Desk/Shelf unit for my "office", rig an old folding table to be an attached-to-the-wall-but collapses-flat-when-I- need-it-to-go-away table. The problem with all these projects is that the Scene Shop is reconditioning their cement floor, stripping and cleaning the whole shop. This involves moving ALL the tools and equipment out onto the stage. I suppose I could hook some of them up out there, but I think it'd be frowned on. So I'm drawing up some plans first.
I'm also slogging my way thru the Tutorial disks for VectorWorks. It's a CAD program, with plug-ins for specific applications such as Lanscaping, Architecture, or STAGE LIGHTING AND DESIGN. It's the standard for the lighting design here at the school, and I've only got a self-taught knowledge of an old version of VW, and NO knowledge of the Spotlight plug-in.
There is a remote possiblility of getting a design this semester. Both the incoming seniors are girls who are flakes. Both are seriously lacking leadership commitment (the seniors have to lead, not point and command). One has a potentially disturbing history of disturbing self abuse (not in the good way) and lying to cover it (She made up a story about an ex boyfriend in town who gave her a black eye, and then a week later, cut her badly on her arm, bringing the cops and sending her to the hospital. One of the grad students knows a guy in the police dept, and there was no call to them about it, and no report was filed. So the whole episode was her fabrication for some reason.). Well, this serious flake also has been accused of "Honor Code Violations" on one of her exams (read, "accused of cheating"). If she, or the other one, becomes ineligible to design their show, I'd get it. So I'd better join the 21st Century and learn how to CAD lighting (up to this point, I'd hand drafted my plots for the most part. Ewww, that is SO last century!)

I got quite a few compliments from both Students and Staff about my job this year. Steve, the Lighting Prof, my immediate super, has gone out of his way several times to tell me how much he appreciates the work I've done. This is something new for me. At NAT, the good words were few and far between from the supers. I know I'm good at what I do, but it's really nice to hear it occasionally.

On the home front. I have a new hobby. I finally caved in, and sent money to a Poker site (OK, Full Tilt Poker if you must know!). I'm now playing for money. So far, I'm still down about 10$ in two weeks, but I'm getting the feel for the difference in play between play money and real money. I still know I'm capable of beating a lot of the schmucks on the site, but it's poker. There is no sure thing (a while back I was in a $1.25 tourney. I flopped a 10 high straight, and went all in. He called and laid down A-Q. River came in J-K, giving him the higher straight. You just can't fight a game that does that to you. Next hand, I had a pocket pair of twos and 2-3-9 came up in the flop. I put my little few remaining all in, and he (same guy of course) lays down pocket 3s. Just a really bad night. I stopped playing after that. "When on tilt, step away for a while". And I only lost a dollar and a quarter. I've lost more than that at the poker games here at school). If I lose my initial stake of $50, I'll decide if it was worth the fun I'm getting out of it.

One final annoyance. My phone is temporarily on the fritz. I started getting the message "Max Call Number reached." A call to tech support said that they'd never heard of that either, so they were going to send me a new phone. It came, but wouldn't accept my sim card (The data chip with my address book on it!). It said "SIM reject". Of course it won't work without a sim chip. Well the new chip got the same message, and both chips work in my old phone. So back on the phone to Tech service and they want to send me a new sim chip. I insist on talking to a supervisor, and he talks to the tech people and they agree to send yet another new phone. But it's been over a week now and I need to call them again to find out where it is!
It's annoying not having the phone now.

But it is quiet.