Humbug

If any of you longtime readers remember from a year ago, this is my most despised season of the year. If you want the full story, you can track down my rant from a year ago. My feelings haven't changed much. Synopsis version: I don't consider myself Christian, so that whole "true meaning of Christmas" crap goes out the window. I'm poor so the whole commercial aspect of the season grates on my last nerve, and reeks of bribery. And the whole "goodwill towards men" spiel is hollow and hypocritical; Why only one day/week/month of the year? How good a person can you be if you're only nice for one month a year?
However, the other evening, Wife brought up a very good point. Who is this Santa creep, and why are we celebrating him? Perhaps I need to start acting like him. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on various children in the neighborhood. I'm gonna keep such a good eye on them that I know when they misbehave and when they're good. I'm gonna find out where their bedrooms are, and know their bedtimes. I'm gonna break into their houses and bribe them with toys, "just to see their faces light up" you understand. Next year, they'll stand in line just to sit on my lap, and write me letters asking me to visit. Why do I have such a hard time believing their parents will go for this? Hey, why not? I have a beard. I have a big belly that shakes when I laugh. It'll work.
At least, I'll have a lot of pen-pals writing to me in prison.