Best TV show ever

...I hate when people say shit like that. It's not the best show ever. For one thing it's cancelled, after only 2 seasons, though rumor mill has it possibly being picked up by WB. The show is/was Dead Like Me, formerly on Showtime. I did an online quiz somewhere where they asked what book I'd like to see as a movie that hasn't already been done. Piers Anthony wrote a story which turned into a series (don't all Piers Anthony books become a series?) called On a Pale Horse; Book one of the Incarnations of Immortality series (the rest of the series, while good, got tedious, telling the same story from different perspectives). The premise was that Death was actually an office held by a mortal. The mortal then ceases to live and becomes immortal until he is killed (almost impossible if care is taken) when the killer becomes Death. His job is to collect the souls of people whose lives are in the balance between good and evil. He can, on occasion, refuse to let them die or to give them back their life. The book raises some great points about the nature of death, and man's fear of, and flirtation with it. I've read that Dead Like Me was based on that premise. Georgia Lass, just turned 18, temping in a mindless office job, is killed by a toilet seat from the falling MIR space station. She is approached and told that she can now live an almost normal existance as a Reaper, collecting and shepherding souls from people already slated to die. They keep the person from experiencing the pain of their own death.
Mandy Patinkin is the biggest name in the show, as Rube, George's boss, who hands out the daily assignments to the crew of reapers under him, at their morning gathering at Der Waffle Haus.

The writing is so well done, and the characters so complex that you get to know and understand their excentricities. I've been watching the second season DVDs just out. Some of the thoughts that have come up have really hit a chord with me. One was, "It's the imperfections in a person that makes us fall in love with them." Gods, how true. If everybody were perfect, how boring it would be. Another which hit me, "You are so beautiful. I love you. I just don't like you very much right now." (I know at least one person in my life right now that I want to say that to.)
I've thought about putting one of those as the sig line of my email, but I can't bear to give up the one I have, "At my age, pleasure lies in the contemplation, not the act." from the book Making History, by Stephen Fry (yes, the wonderful British actor.) That one saying encapsulates so much of what I'm going through right now, surrounded by so much temptation, and unable to act on any of it, from lack of interest in any other part than mine.
I do a lot of contemplating.
I recently came across a letter from my friend Becky, who died a year ago. I had written and told her of a party I was at, and told a certain young lady of medium acquaintance, that I really wanted to kiss her. She, oh, so politely, refused. Becky wrote back that not all women were like her, that what we had had and shared was unique and special, and that it couldn't be counted on to ever happen again. Becky took almost 20 years to want to love me, and, long past my prime, still loved me for the me that wasn't a fat old man with a lot of complication in his life. I don't think I'll ever find another friend of that depth.
Damn. Here.

Current events

Well, N is now gone. She's promised to visit, and really wants to see our christmas show, Alice... so we'll see. We had a full evening packing and loading her stuff into the 10' truck she's taking out to B'more. Her dad came into town to help drive. He really seems a nice guy. I think I could like him a lot. I really felt bad for S. She just stood there and watched the cars drive away long after they'd gone. I think she's really losing a part of herself. It may be a part that grows back, but it still hurts. There was also not much I could do, I just hugged her. It's her pain and I can't know how deep it really goes. For me, it's pretty shallow, I wasn't in her inner circle. N and S were best friends for something like 8 years. E was also there, and I was thinking that she would be more of a buffer than she was. I think that the two of them will probably even get closer, and do more things together to fill the void.

The AC at work is kaput. The freon that we put in three weeks ago wasn't just low, it was gone. I think we've now (two days later) found the leak (thankfully on the roof, not in the asbestos filled walls), and are flushing and refilling the system. Thank gods for 70 deg. days in the meantime. Tonight is the first of three linked shows on our stage. Dance. Tomorrow is Dance and Drama, and Sat. just drama. Dance is fun. I love lighting for dance. Mostly I love dancers. (Well, ok, I love WATCHING dancers.) Dance is something I don't understand. I don't do it. Never have, never will. I've never been able to let myself go enough to just MOVE. I've always been way too self-conscious. It also seems to be totally arbitrary to me the difference between cool dance moves, and epileptic seizures. One makes you a hot mover, the other a whacked out geek off his meds. I don't need another reason for people to find me ridiculous. I just don't do it, and now I'm way too fat to ever look cool, even with the right moves. But I love dancers, the lithe tight bodies moving and shaking the parts that mean to shake, the graceful flow of hands, arms, bodies and legs, into poetic motion.

Oh well. I'm too old. Todays link is to a site with drumming rhythms for Middle Eastern dance.

uuuuugh

I'm just beat. I just finished 6 hours of hang and focus (hanging and focusing lights for a dance show tomorrow) after a regular day at work. TD, of course, is out of town (yeah, he said he'd help on tuesday, I'm sure not remembering that rehearsal starts at noon, and the lights need to be ready BY then, and we can't use the stage in the morning because of classes.). Boss was on his way out, and, to his credit, stayed to help, even conquering his fear of heights to climb a ladder! I then called in S (who was at dinner with N) who also had forgotten that we tech the show at noon tomorrow. They both came in after their dinner to help (didn't I say that they were fabulous ladies!). So I worked alone from 4 til 630 or so, and then Boss joined in. N and S came in about 8 or so. The best part of the whole evening? The AC has gone out again, and it was warm in the theatre, especially 18' in the air. It just got warmer all afternoon. Everything appears to be running (two weeks ago we had the freon recharged to the tune of 180 lbs of coolant!, and thankfully that appears to be still there.) and charged. So, no clue.
Boss thinks I'm giving the dance troup too much light. I explained to him that most of what I did tonight was simply restoring the lights after the last rental (they brought in 25 of their own lights, and mine had to be re-located). Basically, their show was a drama on a 16' square stage, with no color to speak of, with half rented lights. This is a full stage, dance show, with all my own stock. No, Boss, not much change. As it was, I'm only adding 12 units to what is my base plot.

Ok, gotta get out of here. Home to wife. It's looking like I won't be camping this weekend. I think what I'm gonna do is take the full week off after that. Maybe I'll go camping at the state park here in town. It's pretty nice as state parks go.

Monday Meme before work

Monday Meme 10 : 2005-07-25 : List Three

1. List three things on your desk:

My laptop (usually), My LotR page-a-day calendar, one of several Coffee cups.

2. List three things you are wearing:

(or will be when I get up and out of bed...)Hanes briefs, black jeans, glasses. Of course that's not ALL I'm wearing, only three of them.

3. List the last 3 things you ate:

Bagel w.Cream Cheese (this morning), Pasta w. HotNaked sauce (last night), Pound Cake (what I took to the party)

4. List the last 3 people you touched:

Wife, and excepting animals, the next two would have been leaving the party, shaking hands with Jesus, (one of our Board members who bails us out all the time. A nickname, obviously.) and R. the host of the party.

5. List three things you'd love to own:

Big Screen TV w. surround sound.
WYSIWYG Lighting software program.
A new Stove/oven. The one we have now is Wifes choice, a vintage Roper stove from the 20's. The oven is IMPOSSIBLE to keep regulated at a set temp. The oven thermometer is our friend. Making the pound cake was a real task, trying to maintain 300 deg. for two hours.

A Friday Five

Here's a Friday Five. Hey, I know it's Sunday. Sue me. It's not like anybody reads this anyway. There were two posted, I liked this one better. The other was about dreams and ambitions. I have none. I'm a slug.

You're stranded on a deserted island. Somehow, magically, you knew to bring the following five things to make being stranded somehow bearable.

1. What form of entertainment would bring with you (eg: a certain book or a badmitton set)?
The obligitory Lord of the Rings. Next would be a radio.
2. What tools would you bring with you?
Hammer, Ax or hatchet, saw, Leatherman Wave, Hand drill and bits. Sharpening stones
3. Who would you bring with you?
My first thought was to sort through various friends and lovers. Then my mind wandered, and started thinking, One of the Bush twins, cause they would be sure to: a) have alcohol with them, and b) get rescued very quickly.
5. Name one grab bag item you would have with you (anything you want).
Five? It's out of order. Hmmm. I don't know. Sunscreen? So many possibilities. Oh I know. An oil well, cause sure as shootin' Dick Cheney will be sure to invade me for my oil before too long. I say Cheney because the Shrub ran an oil company that couldn't find oil in TEXAS.
4. Name one thing you simply couldn't live without on the island.
Ok, here's four. Can't miss any, it says five right there in the title. To answer:
Books. maybe radio.

Getting ready soon for Ns going away party. On a 103 degree day. May not stay long. I'm taking some pound cake. Don't know how much I'll drink. Maybe I'll take some of my own too.
I've been re-reading N's blog archives from the begining. Quite a task, she's been blogging since '02. Interesting seeing her develop in her own eyes. Soon that'll be the only way to keep in touch with how she's doing in life. I actually had a dream about her last night. Strange enough that I remember the dream, since I don't often remember my dreams. I'll post about the party later.
For todays link I was going to link to a version of the Havamal that I love, but the link is broken. It was the Havamal for New Yawkas. oh well. Here is the original, translated by Bray. For those not up on their Norse sagas, the Havamal is a collection of poetical advice for the everyday viking. My favorites:
75.
Cattle die and kinsmen die,
thyself too soon must die,
but one thing never, I ween, will die, --
fair fame of one who has earned.

76.
Cattle die and kinsmen die,
thyself too soon must die,
but one thing never, I ween, will die, --
the doom on each one dead.

YESSSS!

Just got back from the gardens. Yes, I did get to go. It was actually quite a party: N and S, Boss, TD, L and myself. It's really spectacular, so I'm going to make it my link for today, here.
Had a glorious thunderstorm this morning. Luckily it cleared up enough by mid afternoon to do the garden. Halfway through, the sun even came out and it got quite warm. Should have worn a hat (I'm seldom out without one), so I stayed in the shade a lot. Not hard to do, really, it's a garden for Gods' sake. I think the girls were impressed. S took a lot of pix. Even though there is a bit of construction right now, they see the rest of the place is spectacular, and what it will look like.
Gonna keep it short. I think I'll go to the library and see if there are any good movies there. Time for dinner.

I guess it's really happening

I just got an email invite to the going away party for N. Bummer. Not my idea of a really great party, but oh well. I found what I'm going to give her as a gift. It's a book, but now the hard part is finding the right something to write in it. I may let you know later, since I don't know if she reads this or not. Crap. And I was actually feeling pretty good before I started thinking about it again.

Working late tonight at work. This week has become a LOT busier than I expected. Wife now has an appointment every morning this week (except monday) at 8:30 or earlier! PT three times a week, and now an additional doctors appt. on Friday causing the PT to be moved to Thursday. Some post soon I may ramble on about Wife. Lots of conflict there. It'll be a long post.
Tomorrow, is tech for the kids show, so tonight was prepping for that. Tomorrow is also a Blue Crap meeting for Alice. Ok, boss calls it a blue sky meeting, but they usually are crap. It better not take too long, cause I want to go to the Japanese garden in town with N (and anybody else that wants to join us, probably at least S.). Third Thurs. is the free day. If I get screwed out of it, I'm really going to be pissed. It's one of the best Japanese gardens in the Country! Friday morn is the kids show and a touring show at night, that I don't have to work because I'm going to see CHESS at the local community theatre with another girlfriend-without-privileges. I'll have some work between to reset from one to the other, making sure it's ok to run without me. I'll be running the two touring shows on Saturday, and striking their rig after that. Then on Sunday is N's party. Monday morning may be more PT, and is also Meet-and-greet for the next session of the kids show. Followed by prepping and teching the dance show that happens at the end of next week. I've already told people that I WILL NOT be around on Sat. I'm going camping. I've promised myself (though I'm expecting Wife to try to talk me out of it). I'm not used to summer being so busy.
Got a new computer here at work(or at least a used computer that works better than our old one). As a result, I have none of my bookmarks installed yet. Here's one I can think of for now. It's good for a giggle. Various Bible stories illustrated in LEGO bricks. In sometimes graphic detail (and you know how graphic the OT really is!). It's called The Brick Testament. Enjoy.

Women have an excuse

... a physical explanation for it. Me? I just get bitchy. Grumpy. Grouchy. Irrascible. Peevish.
Unpleasant to be around. I don't even like myself when my Black Moods start. I used to be able to clock them, predict them almost. It used to be lunar cyclical. Then it changed. First I'd be hyper at the full and black at the new. Then it reversed. Now I feel one of my turns coming on (appologies to Pink Floyd), and it's half full. I don't understand it anymore, and it's kind of scary. I know what set it off today too. It's such a little thing that really shouldn't bug me but it did. That's what happens, I take EVERYTHING personally. Of course I've been depressed since Monday when N told me she was leaving. Last night "the Girls" N, S, and E whom I've mentioned before as a clique, went out clubbing, probably karaoke (S looked dressed to kill, low cut red top, black pants... WOW). That doesn't bug me, the 3 of them are a whole lot closer than I ever could be.
Today I happened to walk in from the parking lot with S. We also met another co-worker, L, on the way in. L is a bit older. Not older than me, nobody is older than me, but older than S. He's also gay, which gives him a bond with S that I just dont understand. Anyway...
She runs up to him, and, with me standing not 3 feet away, starts whispering to him. Loud enough that I can tell she's telling him something that happened at their party last night, but enough of a whisper that I know that I'm not supposed to hear what she's saying. I turned away and tried not to hear the secret news that L and she get so excited about, that I can't be trusted with. I just made some mumbled remark about standing out in the heat and went on inside. They followed behind, but headed to the other set of doors. I was then a non-entity as they continued their conversation. That was the seed. The next knell on my mood came just 10 minutes later. Our TD had been told to finish that previous project for tonights performance. To do this he had to roll the scaffolding over the floor that N had just finished painting fresh clean black. Oh it was dry, but left these four, no eight, white wheel tracks across from one side to the other. Again, it was not my business. I wouldn't have to fix it, TD would (N would see to that), so why did it irk me so? I spent the rest of the day, doing my cleanup and odd jobs in a sour, black mood.
The only bright spot in the day... it's payday. A chance to replenish my money stash. I keep money for myself from any odd jobs, and bit by bit from my paycheck. It varies from over $100 to, like now, about $20. I use this for things that Wife needn't know about, the infrequent, very occasional night out with "the Girls" or other co-workers, or, more likely, booze to suage my soul, which I drink abundantly and share liberally with any who ask. A week ago it was Capt. Morgan which was on sale. Today, since it was on sale for $10, I picked up a bottle of ciclon, a spiced rum/tequilla/lime blend. I'm not a big tequilla fan, but it intrigued me, so we'll see. Tonight I'll tap into that in a party of my own. Beats going home.
Though I should, I bit Wifes head off when she nagged at me to get yet another prescription of hers filled.
I always harken back to a song in LotR:

Ho Ho Ho,
to the bottle I go
To ease my sorrow,
and drown my woe.

OK, another bright point. (Hmmm this is mighty tasty stuff, this ciclon). I made a date to go and see a show next Friday. I've known K for as long as I've been in town, about 12 years. She was one of our crew people at the theatre. Now she works for the other, offshoot theatre that I also work with. The community theatre across town is doing CHESS. We both know and like the lead actors, so we're going together. I like this woman a lot, and wouldn't mind showing her how much I like her, but she's too respectfull of Wife. Of course, as horny as I've been lately, I'm having dreams about EVERY woman wrapping her legs around my ears and me going to town. That's what I miss most. Giving a woman pleasure. Licking and stroking and caressing and probing. Damn. I need a vacation. I do want to go camping at the end of the month, I just need to finalize plans. Any of you women want to join me...?

One of my all-time favorite BBC comedies, Mulberry. It's not on tape or DVD. I actually cried when I discovered I taped over the episodes I had. It was a good fix for a black mood. And this ciclon is doing a good job too.

Tiring Day

We had a long and only semi-productive design meeting for our Christmastime show, Alice in Wonderland. It was really strange not to have N there for it. We, of course, invited her to stay and input if she wanted to, even though she would be leaving long before that show starts, but she had other things to do for the upcoming show, and passed on our meeting.
*big sigh*

Then I had to prep for focusing lights tonight. The designer was late, but it moved pretty smoothly after he did show up. It's been a while since I've had to be just a Master Elec. I'm usually the designer and the ME as well. But I've always considered myself to be an ME who designs. That was what got me into theatre. But now I'm really tired.

So here's my link and I get to go to bed. mmmm Jelly Bellys

Missing link

Oops. I forgot today's bookmark link. Here's a link to a webcam at the University of Baltimore. It's available thru Leonard's World Cams. I thought it just a little appropriate.

Monday Meme

Monday Meme 8 : 2005-07-11 : First & Last

1. What is the first thing you said today? Who did you say it to?

Good morning Dogs, who wants to go outside? Come on Czarina. Czarina, COME! Come ON, dog, I don't have all morning.

2. What is the last thing you ate and drank?

Dinner was pasta and vegies with an herb/butter/oil dressing. Chased with water.

3. What is the first thing you do when you get home from work/school everyday?

Since the dogs are the first to greet me, they get the first attention. If Wife runs to the door to greet me, she'd get the first kiss.

4. When is the last time you laughed out loud?

Sunday night, movie night. Monty Python's Holy Grail.
Not much to laugh about today.

5. Name something you hope to do for the first time this summer.

Stay off unemployment.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Damn! Piss. Bugger. Damn. FUCK!
N announced today that she's accepted a job in Maryland.
One of my few friends, who's been around for 4 years (that's longevity where I work). A woman I respect, admire, and care about.
She has to take the job. It's perfect for her. It's perfect for where she is in life. It's not-quite-perfect-but-damn-close for her career. She has to take it.
It doesn't mean that I can't be upset. Hey, it says right in my title block, "self-pitying, meandering thoughts." Am I jealous? Damn right. Even Wife said that she could live in Baltimore. It's supposed to be a great city in which to live. But I'm begining to resign myself to the fact that I'll never leave this stinking town.
I'm really gonna miss her. I think we work well together, and this took some time to develop. And she's fun, funny, and intelligent to boot.
I'm really going to miss her.

Interesting week

It has been a curious week. A short week, thank Gods, but some very interesting moments. Thursday was a highlight. Went to a (very) minor league baseball game here in town. The local team has been active, on and off, under various names for most of the 11 years I've lived here. This was my first game. I enjoy baseball, but it's reputation as boring is not entirely unjustified. I'd much rather go to the local UHL hockey team games, which I do one or two times a year. Part of the problem was that the attendance was much lower than the hockey games, and that the crowd was scattered. The box seats and bleachers were along the baselines, and were sparse at best. The general, 'cheap seats' were past first and third bases on each sides, and looked pretty packed. It was also dollar beer night, so for ten dollars, the high end box seat cost, those cheap seats could get pretty plastered. I don't think I'd go if I didn't get either a box or reserved bleacher. I'm not a big enough fan to not have a good view of the game.

Last night was a Movie night again. This time we took the effort to make a truely big screen. We saw Monty Pythons Holy Grail. A classic. Our TD even hooked up the sound system in the theatre so we heard it thru the main speakers, not the kickin' computer speakers we had last time. Then we watched a DVD of mine of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare - Abridged, by the Reduced Shakespeare Company. All 37 of Shakespeare's plays in 90 minutes. Hilarious.
I ended up not drinking as much as I usually do. Only about half a pint of Captain Morgan (my friend). I really didn't think I should drink more. I was going home before too long, and didn' t want Wife to hassle me about drinking again. I'm treading on thin ice by staying out late so many nights in a row. She's on a barbeque kick. Meaning that she harps on ME to fire up the coals and grill her dinner. We want to do another one on Sunday. Then we have to restore the stage back to a theater. I'm trying to convince Wife to come along, but I'll be lucky if I get to go. This is bad news for my friends, since it's my laptop we use to run them. They can still run DVDs, but it means hooking up the video computer, complete with keyboard, mouse, etc. just a lot more work and hassle for them. We'll see how that goes.
We almost have all our work done before the Boss returns on Monday. TD only got half of his last project finished, and that may be acceptable; it was two two-part doors, and he got the important lower half of each one done. I didn't get all the tech table moved into the theatre seats for next weeks load-in of a show, and I need to get some lighting instruments out of the sceneshop where they got cleaned but are now underfoot. Both pretty minor things though, both will take a half hour max.
Hmmm. for thinking I didn't have much to say, I ended up rambling on for quite a while.
Oh yeah, my bookmark of the day: Lord Randolph's Chainmaile Fashions (from my SCA arts/sciences folder). The site has some fabulous Chainmail clothing both modest RenFaire wear and 'Adult' fetishwear. He is a master mailer, and an artist too. A large and intricate site, with about three checkpoints before you find yourself in the fetishwear section so modest eyes won't be offended without due warning.

Monday Meme

Ok since it's technically Monday... here it is.
Monday Meme 7 : 2005-07-04 : Sweet Dreams

1. What do you wear to bed? Do you share a bed with anyone?

I don't usually wear anything, I hate having things twisting around my body as I turn in bed. No, I sleep alone in a single bed. I ocassionally have a cat down at the foot, or by my side.

2. How many hours of sleep do you get per night on average? How much sleep do you need to feel 100% rested?

I like to get seven or so. I'm ok on five. Less than that I can take only occasionally. I've also noticed that when I've been drinking, my brain goes into hyperdrive, and wakes me up after an hour or two, and then I'm wide awake until about an hour before I have to get up. I can usually fall asleep in 5-10 minutes, but I take forever to wake up. Definitly a night person.

3. Describe your bed... What kind of sheets do you have? Is there a headboard? What does it face?

Single bed. Bookcase headboard (with books and CDs for the clock radio); no footboard, I'm too tall, my feet stick off the end. It's along a wall with a table next to it for water or pill bottles, klenex etc. My sheets are usually plain blue cotton. Occasionally in winter, Flannel.

4. Do you watch TV in bed? Do you read in bed? Any other non-sleep activities?

I don't have a TV in the bedroom. I do, however, do a lot of computer things on the laptop in bed. And yes, I do quite a bit of reading in bed. I usually have at least two books going at once. One in the bedroom, and one in the "auxiliary reading room".

5. What environment do you need to sleep comfortably (sounds, temperature, darkness, etc...)?

I've noticed a change in my sleep habits. I used to be able to sleep in light, with my arm over my eyes. Now I can only do that if I'm exhausted. I like to have a breeze. I have a fan with a timer to go off about an hour before I wake up, to help me wake up. But because of the breeze, I also need to have at least a sheet over me. I don't mind a radio playing, as long as it's music, and preferably instrumental. I listen to NPR at home. Evenings are Echoes, until midnight, then the BBC until morning. I can sleep to Echoes, but not the talking on BBC. Either way, the radio has to shut off before too long, say an hour at most, or it'll wake me up again.

Hmm. Although the title is Sweet Dreams, there were no questions about dreams. I don't dream. Well, I probably do, I just don't remember them often. Every once in a while. I've already mentioned my occasional penchant for sleepwalking, and the joke about the duck. What happened was that in my dream, I heard this joke about a duck. I woke up Wife with my laughing. It was the funniest joke I'd ever heard. She asked what it was, and I said that I'd tell her in the morning, and to ask me about the duck. Of course, the next morning, I had absolutely NO recollection of the joke, only a vague one about telling Wife to remind me in the morning. Strange. Wish I remembered it. I only recall that it was hilarious.

Still bored, not as morose

Well, three days off in a row seem to be too much. I'm going stir crazy. Wife gets jealous of me on my days off. So we end up sitting around watching movies or tv or she reads and I get on the computer. Today I made IceCream. Coffee flavor. Got into a bit of a fight with Wife over it too (seems to be happening more and more easily recently) seems that she didn't want me to use the recipe that the coffe flavor was listed under, because it has eggs in it, but rather to adapt another vanilla recipe for the coffee. I never heard that request, so it was a big fight, and in the end, she can't even taste the egg, 'cause of the coffee flavor. Oh well, the petty annoyances that we choose to live with.

Happy fourth of July.
Oh yeah, here's the link for today. RinkWorks. I especially like the book and Movie a minute sections. They give a synopsis for a book or movie in a sentence or two.