Olympics, part 2

Mixed feelings. One, they actually ARE showing some of the 'lesser' sports. I caught the finals of the womens archery (Korea over China using such hi-tech gizmos that can hardly be called bows. With all that technology, why didn't they shoot better. I've seen better shooting from longbows, and these cultures practically invented archery!). They showed the final of the womens sabre fencing, and then the bronze medal match. US swept all three medals. Wife even caught the Dressage (horse parading and posing) competition, but was hoping to see the jumping instead. No luck there. But now we're into the swimming phase so we get to see the preliminaries and the finals of each event. Ditto with the gymnastics. The only excitement was in watching how the US women clutch and stumble under the pressure (which they're doing in SPECTACULAR fashion. One went out of bounds on the floor, one fell off the un-even bars, one fell off the balance beam and also fell in the floor excercise.)

Stories are coming out now of the fraudulent nature of the opening ceremony. Those much-hyped firework 'footsteps' proceeding from downtown Beijing to the suburban Olympic stadium were revealed to be COMPLETELY COMPUTER GENERATED. They never existed.


The cute little girl who sang "Ode to the Motherland" at the ceremony was actually lip-synching! The photos have now come out of the less photogenic real singer of the song. Story here.

Makes you wonder about anything we saw on TV of the ceremony at all. Did it really happen at all?

Olympic peeves

So, like brazilians of other people, I watched the opening ceremonies of the olympics last night. To preface it, as I was getting ready for work yesterday morning, about 8am, I heard on NPR that the ceremony was just starting, and some of the themes that were being used. So last night Wife and I watched it. NBC. Of course it's on a tape delay, since, our time, it started in the morning. After the first commercial break, they come back and tell us briefly what me missed of the spectacular theatre production while they were in commercial break. It wasn't until after the second or third break that they did this that I realize, "Hey! Wait a f*in' minute! Why did we miss anything, it's on a TAPE! Couldn't they just pause the damn tape while they go to commercial?" Why do they try to persist in the fallacy that the coverage is "Live"?
And more importantly, why did it take me that long to realize it?

I was impressed with the drumming and the lite up drums. That was pretty cool. I was visually blown away by the rippling boxes effect. Though with modern computer control of stage effects, it wasn't especially surprising. Then I thought I saw a pair of feet from under a box. Then a closer look showed what looked like metal support work, so I said to Wife, "I'd actually be impressed if that wasn't computer controlled, if it was all man-powered and synched." and sure enough. It was!
Ya know that we couldn't do that here, the workers would demand lots of money, lots of coffee breaks, and would lose interest after 10 minutes of not being able to watch the action.

Then the parade of athletes. Very respectful and ceremonial... until the Americans hit the track. Wild antics, mugging for cameras, general asshattery (yes, it's a word, pay no attention to the spell-checker). And of course, we only have three teams, the volleyballers with Misti May (porn name!), Whatsisname Phelps the swimmer, and the Basketballers. At least those are the only ones who got any air time last night (cause God knows Lebron James and Kobe Bryant never get any recognition over HERE).

And finally the Chinese athletes.
Led by Yao Ming, and a little boy who survived the earthquake that collapsed his school, and then went back in to rescue two of his friends, "because he was a hall monitor and was supposed to." So Yao, who's nine feet tall and this kid who's about 3'. But then I notice, Yao's got the big flag, but the kid, like ALL the rest of the athletes, has a little handheld flag-on-a-stick. But the boy's is UPSIDE DOWN. No, he was holding it right, it was mounted on the stick wrong. And nobody gave this kid, who everybody in the whole world is watching, a correct flag.

My favorite was the painting that everybody walked over. Each of the teams walked over a square of colored chalk dust, and onto a large parchment drawing done earlier in the night, as they proceeded to their holding pen in the center of the arena. This created bands of color across the painting done by all the feet. Cool concept.

So now I get to watch as much of the lesser sports as I can. NBC never airs any of the lesser sports, 'cause they tell us that nobody watches them. Fencing. Archery. Some of the Track and Field events. I love Track and Field, but they only show Track. No field. I'd love to see some Javelin, or Shot Put, or Discus. But NO, they have the 20m sprint, the 24m sprint, the 30m sprint, the 32.5m walk, the 1500m lollygag, and don't get me started on the relay and hurdle variants of each of them...

I'll catch up with y'all after the olympics.

Cyber for Realists

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to do me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry; really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm...wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark; I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving myself back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Do me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Drop dead. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: [logged off]

(token appology. This was ripped from a Fark.com message board.)
Here's some more.