slowly

Well, I'm coming back slowly from a black mood. I got set off by an offhand comment from a friend who had no idea what they'd said. It struck me at the time, and the more I dwelled on it, the more personally and mean-spirited the implications I inferred from it. I really had to work to bring myself back from this thinking. I took a long hard look at myself and my situation, and tried to see it from an outside point of view, from a 'reality' point of view, and not my rosy, idealised, fantasy world I inhabit. Gods, I hate reality.
Reality is also finding a job. I try to keep my spirits up, but I know that the odds are really rather slim. There are just a whole lot of people out there looking for the same few jobs. But I'm getting the letters of Rec. in from other people, and it boost my confidence a bit. Who is this guy they're writing about? Hopefully this week I'll get enough in to send out to the University gigs I'm hoping for. I've got two in hand, one more on the way, and one more that I need to follow up on today.
I'm also not sleeping well, not getting to sleep until 3 or 4 usually, and up by 8 or 9 usually. However, I am making progress in that I'm not following up on the fantasy emails I think about sending when I'm drowsing, trying to fall asleep. At 4 in the morning, it seemed like a good idea to tell that particular person what they said and why it hurt me, but in the light of day (or brighter light than pre-dawn) I realize that it REALLY would be bad. I'm dealing with it, they're still blissfully ignorant, and we're still friends, something I'm woefully short of now.
I had my first meeting about the upcoming show with Artists Ensemble, Tuesdays with Morrie. It's really gonna be a heavy light show, and one that will be very fun to work on, with a great bunch of guys. Nothing like a show about Death to take your mind off your sucky life. But it's work.