Walls
Sometimes we put up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down.
Wow.
That really hit home.
That was a PostSecret postcard on their site this week. I realize that I do that a LOT. I'm also so very happy that I've recently found somebody on IM that does care enough to knock at my wall (maybe not down, but at least to peek over). I'm not sure these walls will ever come down. But it's been a LONG time since anybody wanted to look over my wall. And a long time since I've let anybody see over the wall. I'm still unsure if I like it. I know it's good to have somebody who knows your secrets that you can talk to. Friends like that are rare. Now I have to learn to open up to them without having them break out the metaphorical prybar.
It's been a while since I mentioned E in my posts. I saw her today and it opened some fresh emotional wounds again. This past week, Shirley, one of the dear old theatre supporters died, and today was her funeral. Of course, I found out about it as S was on her way out to the funeral. She dragged me along, dressed for work, and probably not smelling so sweet. E was there too. She's still as beautiful and sweet as ever, but possibly even more fucked up than ever too. S, just found out, that for the past year, she's been smoking, while telling S that she'd quit, supposedly her best friend. She prefers to spend time, as S said, "sleeping with college kids." She needs to grow up. I'm not as obsessed with her as I used to be. I've looked at what I can offer her and what she can offer me, and there is no correlation. It's lust pure and simple. Although when she put her arm around me briefly today, there was still a thrill at her touch. Well, I'm still keeping my hands to myself, with her outside my wall with no desire to peek in.
Work is going frustratingly slow. Back to work, so I'm not here all night.
Wow.
That really hit home.
That was a PostSecret postcard on their site this week. I realize that I do that a LOT. I'm also so very happy that I've recently found somebody on IM that does care enough to knock at my wall (maybe not down, but at least to peek over). I'm not sure these walls will ever come down. But it's been a LONG time since anybody wanted to look over my wall. And a long time since I've let anybody see over the wall. I'm still unsure if I like it. I know it's good to have somebody who knows your secrets that you can talk to. Friends like that are rare. Now I have to learn to open up to them without having them break out the metaphorical prybar.
It's been a while since I mentioned E in my posts. I saw her today and it opened some fresh emotional wounds again. This past week, Shirley, one of the dear old theatre supporters died, and today was her funeral. Of course, I found out about it as S was on her way out to the funeral. She dragged me along, dressed for work, and probably not smelling so sweet. E was there too. She's still as beautiful and sweet as ever, but possibly even more fucked up than ever too. S, just found out, that for the past year, she's been smoking, while telling S that she'd quit, supposedly her best friend. She prefers to spend time, as S said, "sleeping with college kids." She needs to grow up. I'm not as obsessed with her as I used to be. I've looked at what I can offer her and what she can offer me, and there is no correlation. It's lust pure and simple. Although when she put her arm around me briefly today, there was still a thrill at her touch. Well, I'm still keeping my hands to myself, with her outside my wall with no desire to peek in.
Work is going frustratingly slow. Back to work, so I'm not here all night.
posted by Intothelight4now at 7:11 PM
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