Google replies...

I came across this on another blog I read occasionally. Considering the recent Google subpeona fiasco (GO GO Google!), I thought it amusing.

Thanks to all my guest columnists this week.

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Yeah, I Get It, You Want to See Jessica Alba's Tits
by Google Image Search

Wait! Don't click that "Search Images" button again. Please. I've done all I can for you.

Yeah, I get it, you want to see Jessica Alba's tits. I'm sorry, but that's just not going to happen.

When you started your search, you were just another one of the millions of people who use me to search for lewd images of pornography. I saw the words "jessica alba boobs," and I wanted to help. I suggested that you turn off the search filters. I suggested that you use quotation marks. I even offered you the use of my Advanced Search. Unfortunately, for you and the entire male gender, I couldn't find any images of the actress's mammary glands.

And that's when you took things too far.

Next you searched for "jessica alba tits," then, when my images did not please you, "jessica alba naked tits." I have no way of telling you that Jessica Alba has never posed nude, so I could only show you a few images of her in a bikini, hoping to calm and satisfy you. You were not pleased.

You went on to search for "jessica alba chest," "JESSICA ALBA BOOBS," "jessica alba naked boobs free," and even "jessica alba sin city naked." My dear friend, I wanted to cry out, Jessica Alba didn't appear topless anywhere in the film Sin City. But I was unable to tell you that, and you kept searching, like a drug-sniffing dog who hoped against hope that Jessica Alba stored smack in her boobies.

Please, I implore you, just stop. There's nothing more I can do. I apologize for having failed you, but I cannot aid you in your quest any longer. I get it. You want to see Jessica Alba naked. Who doesn't? But I am just a simple search engine, and those supple bosoms are, sadly, out of both of our grasps. posted by Jake